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Dumb Blonde jokes

  
Requested in Misc. Themes by MC Hacker
edited by MC Hacker

50 Jokes

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Two blondes were locked out of their car in a parking lot. They used a coat hanger to try to get it open. The one with the hanger rested for a second. "Hurry," the other said "it's going to rain and the top is down!"
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How does a blonde kill a worm?
She buries it.
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2 blondes walk into a building. You would have thought one of them would have seen it.
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What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run! She's holding a grenade.
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What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brown?
Artificial intelligence
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Did you hear about the blonde who got a pair of water ski's for her birthday?
She's still looking for a lake with a slope so she can use them.
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What is the difference between a blonde and a solar-powered calculator?
The blonde works in the dark!
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Why was the blonde looking in the refrigerator?
Because the orange juice said concentrate.
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Why don't blondes like buttered toast?
They can't figure out which side to butter the toast on!
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I offered a blonde a penny for her thoughts and she gave me change.
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A blonde and a brunette are falling off a building. Who hits the ground first?
The brunette because the blonde would stop for directions.
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2 blondes were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in. They went to see "Closed for Winter."
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Did you hear about the blonde who missed the 44 bus?
She took the 22 twice instead.
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One blonde asked the other if she had ever read Shakespeare? The other said "no, who wrote it?"
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What do you call a blonde that just came out of the closet?
The Hide and Seek champion of 1992.
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How do you confuse a blonde?
Put her in a circular room and tell her to sit in the corner.
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Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
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How do you electrocute a blonde?
Tell her to demonstrate how to use an electric chair.
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Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went?
It finally dawned on her!
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What job function does a blonde have at an M&M factory?
Proofreading
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Why did the blonde lay out on the lawnchair in her bikini at midnight?
She wanted to get a dark tan.
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Did you hear about the blonde who stood in front of a mirror with her eyes closed?
She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.
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Why did the blonde get so excited after finishing the jigsaw puzzle after 6 months?
Because on the box it said "from 2 - 4 years."
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Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
They don't know the route.
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Why do blondes wear their hair up?
To catch everything that goes over their heads.
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How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
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Why would a blonde wear green lipstick?
Because red means stop.
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Want to know how to amuse a blonde for hours?
Write "please turn over" on both sides of the paper!
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How can you tell if a fax was sent by a blonde?
It has a stamp on it.
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Why does a blond girl always have a bruise around her belly button?
Because blond boys aren't that smart either.
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Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M's factory?
She threw away all the w's.
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What is the fastest way to get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave at her.
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Two blondes were walking through the woods when they came to some tracks. The first blonde said "these look like deer tracks." The other said "no, these look like moose tracks." They argued and argued and were still arguing when the train hit them.
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Why don't blondes like to make Kool-Aid?
They can't get 8 cups of water into that little packet.
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A blonde's house is on fire. She runs outside and yells "help me! My house is on fire! What do I do?!" Someone yells "call 911!" The blonde yells back "what's their number?"
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Why didn't the blondes go to the movies on "One Buck Night?"
They couldn't fit a deer into the car.
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What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
They are both empty from the neck up!
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Did you hear the joke about the blonde who brought cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
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When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
After a dye job.
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What are the worst six years in a blonde's life?
3rd grade
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What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
"Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong."
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Why should you keep a blonde on the job 7 days a week?
So you don't have to retrain them every Monday.
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Did you hear about the blonde with the tire marks on her back?
She crawled across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK"
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What do you call a blonde in an institution for higher learning?
A visitor.
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What is the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.
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A blonde ordered a pizza and the cashier asked her if she would like 4 pieces or 8. She replied 4 of course, I could never eat 8!
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How do you kill a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool
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A blonde and a brunette were hanging on a rope off an edge of a cliff, the brunette realized that the rope was going to break if both of them continued to hold on so she gave a long and eloquent speech about how it would be better if she let go, at the end the blonde started to clap.
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A genie appeared to a blonde, brunette, and a redhead. It told them to jump off a cliff and say any object and they would land in it. So the redhead jumps off the cliff and yells "CARS!" she lands in a pile of cars and dies. The brunette jumps off the cliff and yells "MONEY!" and she lands in a pile of change and dies. The blonde gets a running start and at the last moment she trips on a rock and yells "CRAP!" so she lands in a pile of crap and survives.
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Brunette: My boyfriend has a dandruff problem so I gave him Head and Shoulders. It cleared it up.
Blonde: How do you give shoulders?

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